The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
