dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You're like the curious george of whores
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
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only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize