i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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