haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
