i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I stole a fireplace last night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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