WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
