i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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