Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
