I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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