two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
