So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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