Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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