The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
