OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
