They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
