i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
where are you?
Hypothermia
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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