you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
