I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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