He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
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