you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
