you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
