do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
