Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
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