I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He felt like a one man threesome
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
