So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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