i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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