you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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