I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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