I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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