we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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