I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
