whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
