Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
