Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
