my vag is so smooth its legendary
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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