I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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