So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
