Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
