i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
