Little spoons don't ask big questions
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
two words: eviction party
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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