How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We talked him into tasing himself.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
