i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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