we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
