if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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