I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
