I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
