Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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