Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
