i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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