i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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