His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
where are my eyebrows?
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