im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
