I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
