My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
we're so committed to being not committed
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
