he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
