My room smells like vodka and shame
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
