I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
