either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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