they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
